I guess I'm getting tired, because I've been in one of those "Count-the-many-ways-I'm-not-perfect" moods.
I got upset with Richard for saying, "I want to watch banana" multiple times when I asked if they wanted to watch a movie. I should have played along with him and let him be silly. Instead, I got annoyed.
I keep thinking about friendships I used to have but have gone the way of all the earth. In fact, I was deleted from a list of blogs on someone's blog. I had no idea I offended her! I seem to do that a lot more often than I think I should. I'm not quite sure what I do...
I think about how too often a day ends and I really didn't "play" with Marie and Peter. I put them on the floor to play on their mats and then fed them when they needed to be fed. I really need to actually play with them.
I think about how Richard will start to get whiny and say, "Why won't someone play with me?!" and I realize that I've basically left him to entertain himself all day. I really need to actually spend fun time with him. Just sitting with him at the end of the day to practice reading is not enough interaction.
I think about how most of my interaction with Audrey is spent being annoyed. In the moment, all I can think about is how I wish she didn't have to do everything with me like feeding the babies, bathing the babies, cleaning the bathrooms, just walking to the basement, etc. Then, I feel bad and realize I atually need to spend time interacting with her and being with her.
I think about how I read my scriptures but don't spend a lot of time studying them. I sometimes feel lucky to read them. Then I remember, "Wait, I took the time to read blogs. Shouldn't the scriptures be more important than blogs?"
I think about how I don't spend a lot of time interacting with Scott. I get the kids in bed and feel like I can finally do something for me. I really need to actually spend time with him.
Sigh. So far to go....
6 comments:
Don't let yourself destroy all the good things you do. You are amazing!
Luc, I think most mom's have those thoughts, at least I know I do. And I think it gets harder when the number of young children increase. It is impossible to do everything and be everything and I think you are overlooking just how much you DO do. I for one look up to you and how much you are able to accomplish with so many little ones. I have no idea how demanding twin babies are (besides two other young ones that still demand a lot of attention), but I know it must take a lot, just to make sure everyone is fed, clean, and happy all day long. More importantly your children love you and they are the most forgiving people on the earth. You are doing more for them than you think. Hang in there!
Hopefully today is better than yesterday. I've had one of "those" days many times, and I only have ONE child!!! Hang in there, and remember you're doing a much better job than you think you are! :)
We all have days like that, but seriously girl, have you looked at what you're achieving?! You may not play fun games with your kids everyday (join the club), but if they have been fed and basically provided for, you should consider yourself a success! You are managing to raise 4 kids, work sometimes, sleep rarely, and still keep sane. You're awesome.
You are amazing! Seriously, I only have one child and sometimes all I can do is turn on seasame street so I can have a few minutes to myself. If the tv isn't on all she wants is to follow me around. You have 4 kids! Just staying somewhat sane is a success I think! And I'm sure like most of us you have great days and not so great days.
And as far as I see, you're not offensive in the least :)
Lucy, welcome to the guilty-mom-I'm-not-perfect-club. Hang in there. It gets better. I think you're awesome! Did you mention you had twins and you and your kids are still alive, fed, and clothed? You've already achieved success!! :-)
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